Blast from the Past

That was just an update but not the true intention or point for this particular post.

I live in New Jersey and recently Hurricane Irene hit us….sidebar I have a great aunt named Irene and she is nothing like this storm she is love-able and a strong woman in my family. Anyway the day after the hurricane truly hit us I get a text from this cell number that I recognize way too easily but there is no name with it. I reply back and they answer and then I reply and its over let me play or write this message that in all reality seems harmless but really makes my mind go in freaking spirals and my emotions almost all over the place.

Person: Hey hope you doing well…jus checkin up on you…

Me:  I’m alright the hurricane didn’t hurt me too bad just a  few leaks…how are you

Person: Im doin well, I survived…thank God

Me: That’s good to hear..

That’s it. This was the very mini blast from my past that I just don’t know how to deal with and really this post shouldnt even be happening. This person was/is a guy that was my friend and that I really liked and we were close or so I thought so….it seemed we were close and I had spent what felt like everyday with him for a little under a year and then this past year I could barely get ahold of him it was as if he was avoiding me and it felt like he was only my friend when it was convenient for him. 

Before I go further this guy is not a bad guy at all actually he is a really really great guy that I care a lot about and sometimes I think that the year we were like the closest of friends was just my imagination running away with me… but seriously made up and the more I missed him the more he stayed clear of me.

I realized that it wasn’t just that I missed my friend because I have had a lot of friends that we just didn’t keep as close as we wanted and it didn’t bother me as much as this did. The reason of course that it really bothered me is because truthfully if I am honest with myself I cared about him much more than a friend and I was constantly torturing myself thinking about him and hoping for maybe something a bit more.

Anyway over this summer I deleted him from skype, facebook, and my phone it didnt matter at least not to him he barely tries to contact me anyway so what’s the point. The only thing is his birthday was in August and I couldnt just let it past with out mentioning or saying happy birthday despite the fact that he has forgotten or least chose to ignore my last 2 birthdays but whatever so even though we were no longer friends on fb I sent him a happy birthday message.

Then the hurricane hits and I receive that message from above which literally stopped me in my tracks because it was him and I don’t know. I really want to be over him at least in that way….I remember when we first met and he was just my guy friend that I literally could tell absolutely everything to and I have lost it and well I miss that companionship more than anything else.

Well this quick message happened on Sunday and lasted for maybe a total of 15 minutes and as this is Friday it is obviously still on my mind. I can’t tell my friends because they are tired of this conversation (this year long convo) and I cant tell the one person I really want to talk to so readers I hope this wasn’t too boring to read but thanks for being there just for me to get this off my chest.

Much love and peace till next time CiggyG