Day 11 of 100: The Enemy Be Trying…
Hey Y’all,
If yesterday was rough today was tough and let’s just say the enemy is on the attack. For those that don’t know I’m a spiritual person and of the Christian faith.
Last night my mother prayed with me in the midst of this situation I am going through and this morning I started the day with a reading and writing exercise from Lisa Bevere’s Without Rival, my small group at church is just beginning this. Part of the exercise required me to ask God, who I am, and write what comes to me. The words that came to me were empathetic, encouraging, inspiring, uplifting, loving, mediator and then authoritative. I kind of gave a second look at the word “authoritative” as it caught me off guard but I wrote it and then proceeded to start my work day.
The very first meeting I had scheduled was the last one in my series involving the staff incident and it was an eye opener to say the least. I learned that my students met on their own without me to discuss and process what was going on and at least from the person I met with today they were able to clear their issues and realize that they don’t have any issues amongst themselves. This was shared with me several times and then it was finally revealed that they have issues with me.
I have many feelings about this situation:
I am so grateful that my team has rebuilt their trust in one another as we need that to happen to move forward. Yet now they seem to have a common enemy (my words, not theirs) in me as they have issues with me and that I do not take kind to.
In my life and work (and for me these two overlap ALL THE TIME) I do my best to be supportive, encouraging, and understanding of those around me. I am a supervisor that likes to have fun on ones and (self-proclaimed nosy) I ask and care about all areas of their lives as my students are technically in this position 24/7 like me. I strongly dislike the idea of having to have disciplinary conversations and taking disciplinary action with my team. In an ideal world, they would all be stellar and their would be no issues, however we are not in a dream world but the real world. And at times, I do and I should be holding the team accountable to their actions and words. It is just quite sad that the moment I do, my team decides to bond against me…
As I shared this was my very first work meeting of the day and I had 3 more meetings to get through today. I can share that I was present in all of them and shared some input in each but truthfully I was not myself the rest of the day. I am such an emotional and empathetic person and I give my ALL to this role and the people that I serve (that includes the team I supervise) so the words that were shared with me weighed heavy on my heart (which if you don’t know, I wear on my sleeve) so as I said the day was definitely tough. Towards the end of the work day I did start to hear encouraging words from my supervisor and colleagues and I believe moving in a less hurt emotion (though it’s still here).
Post work I found myself in my small group meeting with my “illuminating tribe” (possibly our small group name…more details/explanation about this in a post to come) reflecting on Without Rival when it hit me the enemy came after me so strong and smooth I didn’t even comprehend it. This morning I hear from the Lord that I am “authoritative” and in the next instant I am in a meeting with a student that leaves me doubting my ability as a person of authority and a leader.
I thank God for declaring who I am long before I ever walked this earth and for bringing me back to him each time. The enemy may have stolen my “happy” for the day but I will not be defeated by this.
This was a long post as I just needed to process and reflect on the day. To all my readers thanks for keeping up with me on this journey and much love till next time, CiggyG