Late Night Again

It is nearly 2AM my time and being that I am in Central Standard Time, it means that my family being on the East Coast it is nearly 3AM and I just got off a phone call with both my brother and mother where everyone was a bit too alert…we should all have our butts in bed and actually you know be sleeping as we do not work the midnight hours or have that type of schedule. 

Needless to say we are all up, whether we’ve been up planning our next moves, watching the latest thing, or are true night owls. I personally love the moon and have a feeling that when the moon’s out I’m up…not the most convenient for what I need to accomplish in balancing rest, life, and everything in between. 

Anyway, I am up and I find myself frustrated… I am quite tired but my mind is running especially after talking to my family. I miss them so much and they are all on the East Coast spread out a bit as my parents have long separated but on each side I have a big beautiful and blended family. Last time I seen my mom’s side was February when I happened to be in town for a work conference and I haven’t seen my Dad’s side since December 2016…yep..nearly 2 years! I need to make some trips to see them yet I haven’t done so yet.

I want to see my family so bad but at the same time I want to have my life in order and despite having a job that keeps me busy, a great boyfriend, and a cool city to live in…things are not quite right and it’s time for a big change. I’m in the midst of discovering and uncovering that change and  I do not have all the answers. 

Though I want to see my family, I’m truthfully afraid of the questions that I don’t have answers to, the inevitable tough-love truths that will come, and the disappointment in letting my family down, as I’m not the success they hold me to be or that I want to be at, at this point in my life. In writing that last statement, I know it sounds very self-centered and there is definitely some work I will need to process with my therapist at the end of the week but it is my truth. 

I feel this post may have a different tone than others I’ve written but honestly its late and I’m exhausted and I have no clue but needed to write. 

Until next time, 

I’m CiggyG